Helping...?

Good Morning All,
I have not posted anything directly about Haiti in a long time but that's not to say that I have not been wanting too..I just have had a hard time piecing together how to say what it is I have been thinking/reading about... I want to warn you that the following post is more a "thinking" and "sorting" one for me so I am very sorry if it feels/is confusing for you...Lets just say I have been doing a lot of thinking and reading and I am wanting to share it with you now...however jumbled it seems..

There have been many things I have wanted to say over the past few months regarding AID work, Haiti, the politics of the humanitarian world etc..those of you closest to me know that I have been struggling with my thoughts and place in all this.. These struggles have led me to do a lot of reading on both sides of an seemingly un-ending debate.

Let me back up and define the debate for you...

Sometimes when we think we are helping we are actually hurting... and basically I am trying to find ways to help and not hurt...not an easy task and one that has/is requiring a lot of self-reflection coupled with an intense swing upward on my learning continuum.

At times I have found myself becoming so frustrated that I have closed my computer, book, paper and just walked away. And other times I can't stop nodding my head saying "yes, yes that's it" (usually only to be knocked back a notch with a rebuttal to the point that so garnered my approval). I don't like not understanding things, not being able to reconcile that my actions, however well-meaning, might in many ways be harming exactly those I am wanting to help. I used to think I was OK with living in the "grey" areas of life but this debate and my subsequent education of it have proven otherwise.

My whole learning has been a tough row to hoe and to be honest one I am still very much contemplating.. but in this process I have noticed a shift in me...a shift towards being more open when all I have wanted to do is shutdown..this is a very slow process for me but I am getting there..I think in a small, small way I am sorting out how I, as an individual with limited resources and time can still "help" in a way that doesn't "hurt".

That being said...

I wanted to let you know that I am heading back to Haiti in just over 2 weeks. This trip and the reasons why I have only shared with a few that I am returning is more a part of the above process.

Let me be clear here..I am not returning to Haiti to "find my purpose", I am not returning to Haiti to "help those less fortunate then me", I am not returning to Haiti for a "reality check or perspective building"

But

I don't know how to put into words the WHY'S of it.

and i guess that is the process for me...

Many of you have been so generous on my last 3 trips and as you know I cannot thank you enough but this trip for me is different. I won't be asking for donations, I still have many things that have been given to me since my last trip and I will be taking those. The following are links to blogs of different people doing good, check that great things in Haiti. If you want to support me, consider supporting them which in turn will be "helping" the people of Haiti. I have seen the work of these people firsthand and I love all of them for being part of the "help".

These people are much further along on the journey of sorting stuff out then I!


http://heartlineministries.org/
Most of you that have spent any time with me and heard me talk about Haiti will know about John and Beth. This couple is the real deal and I am so grateful to have had them enter my life. Beth is my lifeline to Olez, Rose and family. They are defiantly helping..(Can't wait to hug Beth..john..well.. ;))Check out the Haitian Creations part of the website for gift ideas..let me know if you would like anything in particular and I can pick it up for you while I am in Haiti.


http://www.realhopeforhaiti.org/
Lori and Licia provide medical care and community support/involvement to the people of Cazale (and to many in the surrounding mountain ranges). Additionally, they run a rescue center for malnourished children. looking for neat gift ideas check out this website, Artists for Hope (all proceeds go to RHFH):
http://artistsforhope.org/products-page/

http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/
Tara and Troy work with different groups in Haiti providing support where needed. They work primarily with Heartline. Tara's blog posts are very thought provoking and have been one of the ones that at times have frustrated me but in doing so have held me in that uncomfortable place of introspection I so need to go too! Their blog is one of the ones that has pushed me in my thinking and has forced me to work on my opening up..thanks Tara.


http://apparentproject.blogspot.com/
For all my retail/jewelry junkies out there CHECK these guys out! The premise behind the name is that in creating jobs parents will be able to provide for their families and continue to be "A Parent". Love this!

If you are looking for a way to support me on this trip you can do so by donating to Project Medishare (which is where I will be volunteering for a week). Medishare, a project of the University of Miami has been in Haiti for over 20 years. They are involved mainly in health care at the acute and community levels. They also are involved in collaborative projects with the Haitian Government.Check them out with the link below.

http://projectmedishare.wordpress.com/about/

I know I don't have any of this figured out yet and so its hard for me to write about it..to write about something that feels so jumbled up in my own head.

"What is necessary in order for us to see things in a new way?

One does not need to be in a position of power or importance;

self-confidence is not needed, nor will-power, nor effort

What is needed is only the good intention to see the unusual,

the good intention to see something new."

Anthony de Mello

Thank you for all your continued support...I will keep you posted!