Thank You...

" Your life can be made better by the things that break your heart"

A year and one day ago I stood in the med room at work and a colleague of mine caught my eye. I didn't know Jessica very well, I actually had worked more with her sister Jericho then her, but on this day, my 4th of 4 12 hour days I couldn't help but wonder why Jessica kept looking at her phone. Now we are not allowed phones while on the floor at work for obvious reasons so I was intrigued as to why she would be breaking the rule. What was so important that she would risk discipline, she didn't strike me as a rule breaker. So when she came up to me asking me to please cover her patients because there was a call she had to take from Haiti things became more clear.

When working 4 12 hour days in a row, one (at least me) becomes mostly disconnected from the outside world...a bomb could go off outside my door and I would just be annoyed at having to walk over the rubble to get to my place..ok maybe its not that bad but pretty close. So that being said, I had vaguely heard of an earthquake occurring in Haiti the day before but too be honest I didn't pay much attention to the news of it the night before when I got home.

I, like many of you I am sure didn't even have Haiti on my radar...

I enquired of Jess when she returned from her phone call if everything was alright with her. She went on to explain that yes indeed there had been an earthquake and that over the years she had spent a significant amount of time there and she was trying to ascertain if all whom she knew were alright...she stated that she was going to try and get back down there as soon as she could but to do what, she wasn't sure...I felt my heart break for her that day and told her if there was anything I could do that she should let me please know...

and thus Haiti popped up on my map...

Many people count Jan 1st as the beginning of the new year (in the realm of christian worlds) and I am sure January 1st 2010, to me was also the start of the new year... looking back now I can honestly say that my year, and what an amazing one at that, started at the end of January when Jess went to Haiti and I found myself becoming wrapped up in a world of heartbreak, love, friendships, trials, victories like no other year before...

I wasn't in Haiti on Jan 12 2010..on that day I was at work having just returned from a trip to see a dear friend, my heart full and feeling like I was walking on clouds...

I wasn't there that day and in fact I have never been present to a catastrophic disaster so I cannot even begin to guess at what a person goes through in those situations. Tara Livesay, who was present in Port Au Prince along with her family on the day of the quake has written about it here and I encourage you to read her account as if gives an amazing first person perspective!

http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2011/01/remembering.html

Although I only ventured into Haiti in March of 2010 all that I saw and experienced has changed me forever as a human being. The people I have met over the last year, Haitians and others alike have restored my faith in humanity..have shown me such great love and have been a true lesson in my life...

Jessica: you have brought me into your world and I have fallen so in love with the little Caribbean nation you love..thank you for having faith in me as a nurse and more importantly as a person.Your love for Haiti is infectious and I am so glad to have been infected...and no I'm not talking about the bumps on my face! Love ya!

Dr. Jen: you are an example of courage, grace and humility and I loved working for/with you. Your love for your patients big and small has shown me that no matter what we have to try because all too often we were are all that people had..you gave and continue to give so selflessly. Thank you also for your faith in me and one day I will become that PEDS nurse extraordinaire... well maybe! Love you Jen!

Barbie: I know in you I have found a forever friend..a medical field soul mate if you will... you are smart, amazing and also so willing to give of yourself to others that you never cease to amaze me! I love you my friend and look forward to many years of hearing of your adventures and reading your fantastic words (oh and dodging bad, bad DVD's)

Brian: Thanks for being a rock through those hard days in Haiti... for allowing me to forgive myself when the words didn't come and for helping me find peace in knowing I had done all I could in some cases...

Beth: I'm not sure I can write this without crying but I will try... You are an example of love and compassion like I have never seen before. you are an inspiration to all those who meet you and that is evident by all the people who call you friend. Thank you for welcoming me into your lives and for loving me and Haiti so much... Thank you for all the pictures and news about my little Rose and for making me feel missed even before I leave each time! I love you!

Olez and Rose: my life will forever be changed because you walked into our little clinic and because someone, somewhere knew that our paths had to cross. I know in my heart that you are tired and I can't even begin to imagine the struggle that is everyday life for you..I love you both and I hope that the next few years will see life get easier for you...

John McHoul, Bill, Ryan, Crystal (JP), Bev, Chris, Tashi, Emman, Rosemon, Antionette, Marjorie, The Sarahs, Lori and Licia, Jess (RHFH), Johnna, Amy King, Little Paul, Leslie, and all those who I have met, not met, become friends with, laughed with, cried with over this past year I can't say enough too and about you..you are all amazing and have shown me so much, taught me so much and I am such a better person for having had this experience with you all...

To the people of Haiti..thank you for making me a better person. I am so sorry for all your suffering..if there was a way to take it away I would..I do know that in suffering we experience growth and change...and god knows you have grown and changed so very much this year if we are to measure the suffering endured..
I have no idea what the future holds for you...I hope beyond hope that it is love, health, happiness and I hope in some small way I can be a part of it...

You have taught me so much about myself and life...

You will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes..let your broken hearts be open hearts...

" ..this place of hopelessness and fear is real, not a cute little allegory. Some people never leave that place and are broken on the rocks. Some people stop fighting and slip into the depths. We came to understand that, although we do not have control, we do have choice. God, or Spirit or Creator or Insert Name Here wants us to go down into the dark waters, but also wants us to come up to the light.God will not force us to do so. We are free. We are made so, and it is our great gift. We can chose darkness, fear, addiction and despair. We can choose light, hope, meaning and joy"
Elizabeth Lesser. Broken Open