That in between place....

"Wish I was cold as stone, then I wouldn't feel a thing.Wish I didn't have this heart cause then I wouldn't know the sting of the rain..."

those are the words of the song I am sitting here listening too and although they pertain to someones broken heart, today at this moment they also pertain to me and how I feel today and a lot of other days...

I have been thinking a lot and reading a fair amount about "responsible AID", about how throwing money, food, clothes and things at countries can cause more harm then good. And for the most part I am in total agreement...The one thing that I have struggled with tho is this...

Until the things that need to get into place, like accountable, transparent governments ( which in and of itself is a laughable concept....not sure where or if those exist), proper coordination and collaboration of well-meaning organizations the question remains, what happens to the people living in the now...to the people suffering in the meantime?

I read the following blog post written by a former AID worker and now mom and although in principal I agreed with a lot of what she was saying it also frustrated me...she was talking about the crisis in the Horn of Africa (you can read it here)
http://onmotherhoodandsanity.blogspot.com/2011/10/long-horn-of-africa.html
And although like I said I do agree with her on the principals and have always tried to be an advocate for the organizations that are doing the good..at least from what I can see I again find myself in that in between place of not wanting to harm and feeling like I need to help...because then todayI read the following blog post....

http://castilloavektimoun.wordpress.com/2011/10/17/not-her-day/

I do wish I could find the answers and in a way to be a part of the answers in the big picture (if anyone out there can help me with this I would so appreciate it...) I just seem to be finding myself moving between a place of not wanting to contribute to a problem and wanting to help those who seem to be stuck in the in between!?

Somedays I just don't know....today is one of those day....

Wish I was cold as stone.....